Scary times

So as some of you may know, Ben was in the hospital this week. Last weekend he spiked a fever and our midwife sent us off to London to the hospital. Because of Ben's age, he was automatically admitted and a bunch of tests had to be done. In the end he was fine and likely we could have stayed home and given him tylenol for a couple of days with the same outcome but better safe than sorry. I have to tell you though, the whole experience gave me a new appreciation of parents of sick children. It's hard being in that hospital. It's a lovely hospital and it has all kinds of murals and toys and mobiles but it all kind of reminds you that it's a place for children and they are there because they're sick. Every time I left the hospital and came back, I had kind of a sinking feeling as I approached the hospital. It's just a sad place.

There was a sweet little baby in the room next to us that Mark and I wanted to kidnap and take home. For whatever reason, her parents were only there a few hour over the four days that we were there. And she had this pitiful little cry (not like Ben's lusty wail - he was easily the loudest baby on the ward. You know those are my genes coming back to bite me in the ass!) and when she was upset, it wouldn't get louder, just deeper and more insistent. And the nurses would come and cuddle her when they could but most she was in her crib or in her little vibrating chair. We'd see her sitting in it, feeding tube in her nose and little mittens on her hands, staring at the mobile. Sweet little thing. She didn't look much older than Ben. I also met a man in the elevator who was here from Nova Scotia waiting for an organ transplant for his baby girl. Made me realize that a fever and heart murmur are not so bad.

The nurses were so amazing. They took such good care of us and of Ben. In terms of the care we received, it was a really really great experience. But it was weird coming home. I kind of had the feeling that while we were in the hospital we just stepped out of time and that life everywhere else had just paused. When we got back to the cottage, it kind of felt like it should still be Saturday night instead of Tuesday night. The best part is that Ben seems to have settled back in his routine fairly well. While he was sick in the hospital, he wouldn't fall asleep without a soother, being in the swing, or both. And I had to stand by him and keep a finger on the soother so it wouldn't' fall out until he was in a good sleep, usually 20 minutes or so. You better believe I was not wanting this to be our regular routine. But since he's been home he's only needed the soother during his nightly fussy time and has gone down just like he used to when it's time for sleep. So cross your fingers for me that this continues.

Anyway, this parenting gig is hard hard work. Between the early fatigue, the depression, and this blip, I feel like I haven't had much chance to enjoy Ben. I'm looking forward to a few weeks of healthy baby and healthy mom where we can just love each other without any drama. I don't know if that's a totally naive statement or not but it's the wish of my heart these days.