Resolutions, schmesolutions

So I lasted three weeks with my news resolutions and I broke them both at once when I 1) did not blog for the last 10 days and 2) bought 3 pregnancy related magazines in the last 10 days. *sigh* The last 10 days have not been very good. I have been tracking my cycle in preparation for pregnancy attempts (whenever those start - another blog, another blog) and I did not ovulate this month. I am convinced this is because I am a shmoo who has turned her body into a toxic environment through a combination of bad eating and sheer body hatred. My husband, my therapist, and my dear friend Jennie have all tried to convince me that this is not the case and that I will, in fact, be able to get pregnant but I don't know. Anyway, I have been in a severe funk, hence no blogging

On a much funnier note, last night I forced Mark to watch "Legends of the Fall" and we now have a new game of "Who is Tristan" (Brad Pitt in the movie - gorgeous, passionate but mad, mad, mad). So far Mark has points because he is 1) male 2) has had sex with women 3) has fired a gun in a hunting context 4) can work up really good B.O. and 5) has ridden a horse that wasn't a pony tied to a merry-go-round at the Western Fair. I have points because I have 1) long hair 2) have had at least one full on nervous breakdown 3) am a middle child 4) have held a heart in my hands (well it was a cow heart but still) and 5) have given a protective bracelet to a female as a gift. We both get points for being blond and blue-eyed. Buddy also gets some points because he is 1) male 2) blond 3) has had the blood of a wild animal on his face before 4) dreams of running wild with the moon and 5) women love him. All in all it's a pretty tight race! The winner gets to put a Post-it that says "so-and-so is Tristan" on the tv. GAME ON!

The end of the mad, mad celebrity crush or Come back 90210

So it is so sad, but my celebrity crush on Chad Michael Murray has been ruined by his being a cheating pig. Apparently, after he had been married to his One Tree Hill co-star Sophia Bush for only a few months, he cheated on her. At first it was all hush hush but now he's fully admitted it. I guess after being a loser teen who was bullied and ignored by girls, he got a little heady with his sexual power as a tv star. But dude, come on, in the first months of marriage? He wasn't even trying to be faithful if he couldn't even hold on to it for a few months. And no matter how hot he is, it's hard to find someone sexy who is that much of an ass.

To make matters worse, it's ruining my favourite show. For the past two seasons, the story arc has been to bring CMM and his ex-wife together and the execs have decided to continue this storyline despite the divorce. So of course, chemistry not quite the same. And Lucas and Brooke getting together was the only reason I watched the show. First the O.C., now One Tree Hill. Soon there won't be any crappy teen dramas left for me to indulge in (cause I just ain't watching Falcon Beach no matter how many subway cars they plaster with posters).

In the meantime, I'm just going to have to hope Joshua Jackson keeps being a good guy....

Too tired to rant

A friend of mine recently sent me this ad.




And it's horrible for so many reasons (does anyone still buy these old stereotypes - that women withhold sex for money/commitment/to be bitchy; and the remote control thing "duh, if only I could get my woman to give me sex as easy as I can turn on the tv, huh huh!" Yeah, that's who I'm going to marry, the guy who thinks this ad is funny!) and why on earth would anyone think that this is the kind of ad that would be successful given that these days women are usually involved in the ring buying, if not picking it themselves outright. It's just gross, gross gross. Unfortunately, it's Friday and my brain is fried, fried, fried, so instead of an intelligent deconstruction and critical analysis of this ad, I've decided to post cute pictures of Mr. Fezziwig:






Look how small he is! He's literally the same size as the video tapes! He belongs to the guy who runs the page where I get my soap spoilers. There are more pictures of this little cutie at http://community.webshots.com/album/527573557flAMAe. I think he's a Cairn Terrier. Seriously, cutest dog EVER!

Doctor of Plastics

So I had a strange experience today. I was referred by my doctor to a plastic surgeon and went for my consultation this morning. My needs are not anything serious. I have a pair of moles on my back that while totally normal looking, are a bit large and every year my doctor freaks out at my physical and sends me to a dermatologist and every year the dermatologist tells me they're fine but to keep track of them because I do have a history of skin cancer in my family. So this year I decided enough was enough and time to just get rid of them so that I don't have to waste my time shlepping all over the city to go see insensitive dermatologists who make me cry (another story, another time....) and so off to the plastic surgeon I went.

My plastic surgeon herself was very nice and conveniently located at the hospital 10 minutes from my apartment. The weird part was the other people in the waiting room. There were three different surgeons in the office and at least one of them was a pediatric specialist. While I was waiting, I sat with the funniest little family who came in with their 2 year old daughter and maybe 6 year old son. The boy had a scar on the top of his head and one on the side of his face but to tell you the truth, despite the fact that they were quite visible, I didn't notice them for at least 10 minutes because he was so engaging and vibrant. And the little girl just played coy with me while she ran around the waiting area with plastic rings she got from the office toy box. As I was leaving, a teenage boy and his mom were also coming in.

Along with me and the kids however, were two women, maybe in their 50's or sixties. One of them was obviously quite face-lifted and nose-jobbed but the other, nothing out of the ordinary. When I had my turn with the doctor, she had to take a phone call and left the room for a moment. This gave me a chance to check out the breast implants on her desk (I've never actually held one before - very weird and gross and some of them had little bits floating around in them like super-fine pieces of tissue. Ick). It wasn't until I was leaving that I saw a flyer for a conference on breast surgery that totally focused on reconstructive surgery that I realized that along with cosmetic breast implants, many women use them post-breast cancer. Then I felt bad because the face-lifted lady was probably not there for cosmetic reasons but reconstructive reasons.

Anyway, sort of strange experience because I had a lot of fun playing with the little kids and the doctor was very nice and the procedure won't cost too much (not OHIP covered of course) but it was weird because none of us had really happy reasons to be there. Plus, it's just weird to refer to the field as "plastics." Gross.

Make up your mind MuchMusic

So I was watching MuchMusic today and saw an ad encouraging people to consume media critically. It would show half naked video ho-girls and then say "Sexy or sexist" and show 50 all blinged out and say "Success or excess" and all this stuff and then had some catchy phrases about thinking about what you watch. Which is nice in theory and all but come on. This shit is all MM shows. If they are going to acknowledge that it needs to be consumed mindfully because it's full of harmful messaging, stereotypes, and degrading imagery then they are basically saying "We are purveyors of damaging shit." They're better off not saying anything, IMO.

And sure, you could argue that it is not MM's fault that video content is what it is. And I would give you that. Except that when they choose their own programming, they still choose damaging shit. Case in point: the year end reviews included a MM special on their list of the most "do-able" girls of 2005. Not the most powerful women in music, not the women who received the most buzz, not the women who dominated the charts (deservedly so or not). No, they chose to name the show "Women who we would most like to fuck, 2005" (slight paraphrase). So they can just put away there little public messaging because its hypocritical bullshit. Just like the tobacco companies who spend millions on campaigns designed to keep children from smoking but the campaigns are so lame and lackluster that all they do is reinforce that not smoking is lame. It seems like they are doing one thing but they are actually doing another. Or like McDonald's selling salads. It seems like they have healthy options (but really who goes to McDonald's for salad?) but then when you actually eat one, it's like chewing on cardboard and vegetables so preserved as to be unrecognizable. Which makes the fries seem that much better.

So boooooo on you MuchMusic. Keep Video on Trial because it makes me laugh but get rid of your stupid metacommunications about media consumption. Admit what you are, cry freedom of speech, and artistic freedom as justification, and stop pretending you're selling deconstructionalist brilliance when you're selling lowest common denominator garbage. Except for Kardinal's latest. I like that video.

Happy New Year!

Ah, I love January. Fresh start. I'm a total sucker for it. We already have taken every shred of Christmas down to the storage locker and are making plans for what we would like to be different this year. A major theme for Mark and I is "quality of life" this year. Which means that I have made the monumental decision to change my dissertation topic from a socially conscious participatory action research project designed to empower women and challenge the patriarchal power structure to instead doing a few one-on-one interviews. I'm actually a bit disappointed about it but I am also excited to perhaps actually finish my degree on time. Woo hoo!

I have also made resolutions. Instead of the Bridget Jones route ("obviously, will lose 20 pounds"), I have decided to make 2 smaller, more realistic resolutions:

1) Will not buy anymore magazines, books, videos etc. on any of the following - pregnancy, labour and delivery, infant care, child care, parenting, child discipline, further your child's intellectual development through stimulating play - until actually pregnant and even then will practice discretion with purchases
2) Will blog 1-2 a week and not let weeks go by with no entry or with very lame entry

Keeping on the New Year's theme, my sister Jill told me that she was at a party on NYE and saw the full "Trapped in the Closet" masterpiece by R. Kelly. She described as being extremely funny and puts her money on a cult following developing in the next few years. I also made a discovery today of something that the artist is dead serious about but is in actuality a piece of unintentional comic gold. It's Kevin Federline's website (www.kevinfederline.com). It has a wonderful opening montage of clips from tabloids while he raps/warns "Keep messin' with my family and you're through." It also has a small clip of his single PopoZao, which apparently no label would come near with a ten foot pole but you can buy through Yahoo music. Plus Kevin displays his wit and skill as a writer as he introduces himself to us, his adoring public:

Hey Everyone,
I don't think we've ever been formally introduced. My name is Kevin Federline. I'm 6 feet tall, have brown hair and brown eyes. I enjoy horseback riding, long walks on the beach and the wind whipping through my hair. Ha ha ha. On a more serious note, there's going to be a lot more information and updates on here in the coming weeks and I think this will provide you with the opportunity to get to know who I really am. Anyway, thanks for checking out my site and be sure to come back often. You can click here to join my email list and also check me out on MySpace.
Kevin

Oh K-Fed!