More tales from the couch

So, I am once again hunting for a new therapist after parting ways with my current therapist earlier this week. She just never really warmed up. Plus she managed to create a vibe like I was kind of intruding on her life rather than creating a nice therapeutic space. Her half-read personal books stacked up beside the chair, her too loud classical music playing in the background. The fact that at least 5 minutes of every 50 minute session I was paying for was spent making tea for herself. Not to mention that on her bookshelf were hundreds of books, not one of which was even remotely related to psychology.

When I told her I didn't think we were a very good fit, she seemed quite unconcerned, which in itself isn't a big deal. I actually prefer it that way because it's always a very awkward conversation when you are essentially firing someone. But still, she didn't offer me referrals (which ethically she probably should have) or inquire after my concerns. I don't know.

Spring has to come eventually... right?

I've been feeling lately like this stupid winter is never going to end. And generally speaking I like winter. There have been many lovely, sunny winter days with fresh white snow and crisp blue skies. But it's enough already. And so to remind myself that eventually spring does come, I put up a few pictures I took last spring in High Park.

spring 1 

spring 

Ads that piss me off - #4: Julie's Story (again)

Ah, Julie. Again you grace my life with your message of insecurity, self-loathing, and narrow definitions of beauty. In case you can't make out the text it says "I am Julie. Today I shopped for everything I liked, not just anything that would fit." Whatever, I won't go on too much about that because anyone who has faced plus-sized shopping knows that there is limited availability that means you don't have too much choice. No, what pisses me off more is the picture. What's with the mannequins? Is the ad trying to suggest that Julie has dieted herself down to look like these mannequins? Most store mannequins are around a size two or four and a weight loss of 5-10 pounds represents about 1 dress size so if Julie lost "just a few pounds" and now looks like a mannequin than Julie was a size 4 or 6 when she decided she was too fat and that this was a medical crisis necessitating medical intervention.

Anyway, so I was looking at the ad and thinking "Is this ad trying to say that this is what women should look like, these mannequins?" and I thought "No, no advertiser in their right mind would actually set up that kind of a message." It's one thing to say women should be thin but to be mannequins - faceless, lifeless dolls to dress up and stare at? Then I started thinking, "Why aren't the mannequins wearing any clothes? Isn't the point of this ad the "joy of fitting into fashionable clothes?" So then I thought, "Oh, maybe Julie is supposed to have bought all the clothes right off the mannequins." Which would again reinforce that Julie has dieted herself down to the size of the mannequins, since she bought the clothes they were wearing. So anyway you cut it, this ad is really saying the women should look like the mannequins.

And look at the mannequins in this ad!! I mean, the one on the right has NO bum. Even thin women still have bums. And then there's the fact that they are all naked - whether this is to emphasize their thinness or to hint at sexuality or to strip women of individuality by reducing them to generic forms I'm not sure but given the ad is focused on clothes, I think it's weird. And why is the one holding a purse? And notice how they're all facing away from the camera. Much like the lingerie ass and thigh shot in the other ad, it seems that the people at Julie's story have something against showing women's faces. Once again, I can't help but imagine how this ad could have been different - how about a laughing, smiling woman spinning in a new dress (I know it's the ultimate weight loss cliche shot, but you get my drift) or a woman piled down with shopping bags and a big grin on her face. How about some personality, some individuality, some, oh, I don't know, living people???

Anyway, to sum up - women as lifeless, plastic, generic, faceless, shapeless, skinny objects to be posed and looked at. Women who are larger than mannequins needing to undergo medical treatment (which is never, ever safe) for weight loss. This ad is creepy and disturbing. I think I find it more offensive than the ass and thigh ad. Look closely and think about it for a minute. It is some fucked up shit.

Stupid Julie's story. Still pissing me off.

Fox and feminism?

So a week or two ago, Fox aired "Stars Without Make-Up" or something like that - basically an hour long show catching celebrities without make-up. I didn't watch it so you'll have to forgive me if I get the details wrong. I've always found the "stars without make-up" concept offensive and I see it frequently on the magazine covers at the "kiosk of higher consciousness" at my subway station so I figured the Fox version didn't have anything for me I hadn't seen before. Anyway, apparently the show was so successful that they're planning a part two. And, to add to the drama, apparently some of the featured stars are banding together to take legal action of some sort.

Anyway, I started thinking about the thousands of people that must have tuned in and wondering at the mass insanity that is North America. It seems like a no brainer that, as a feminist, I should raise a call to arms about this show. But the more I think about it, I'm not so sure. Don't get me wrong. I think it's absolutely gross to stalk these celebrities, catch them in their normal everyday life and then plaster it all over TV and make fun of them. Since I didn't see the show, I don't know if it was men and women but I'm going to assume it was mostly women and note it as one more instance where the exterior matters so much more than the interior.

BUT, I think there is something important about seeing celebrities without their make-up. In these days when 50 is the new 40 and everyone between the ages of 35 and 55 seems to look the same on television, I think it's actually crucial to understand that there is a different reality. That even with botox and facial peels and all the rest of it, people do age. Wrinkles do come, skin does sag, the glow of youth does fade. Sadly, the youthful beauty is the only beauty we recognize. Even as women have gained power in Hollywood and the sway of the boomer generation means that more 50+ women are gracing the small and big screens, it seems that the flawless complexion of a 25 year old is still necessary. And when Susan Saranden and Julianne Moore look perfect in their cosmetics commercial, laughing about their eternal youth and beauty (or perhaps how lame the commercial is and to cover the sickly feeling of shame that is creeping up on them as the cameras roll - look close, you can see on SS's face, lol), I do think that we need someone to show that underneath it all, away from the stylists and the lights, they look like regular women.

The next step, of course, is to see the signs of age as signs of wisdom, health, and beauty and to recognize the glow of a happy, contented person as more beautiful than the glow of L'Oreal blush. To paraphrase Naomi Wolfe, instead of covering up our natural glow with foundation and putting on a fake glow with powders and cremes and calling that beauty, we need to see that the true source of beauty is that light that burns within, shines in our eyes and our faces and lights up the world.

My lovely doggin

To take the edge off of all my recent griping and ranting, I thought I'd put up one of my favourite pictures of my dog, Buddy. This was taken at Christmas time at my parent's cottage. I can't remember if it's me or my husband under the blanket with him. Anyway, Buddy snuggled in and fell asleep and one of us snapped this super cute pic.

Tales from the couch update

For those of you who are interested in therapeutic relationship issues, you'll be pleased to know that I worked out the whole group therapy issue to my satisfaction. Jury's still out on the therapist - in some ways I really like her but the warmth factor is a bit low. Plus she has a very strange way of ending sessions that I haven't got my head wrapped around yet. The first couple of times we met, she sort of saw me to the door (I have to go through her living room to leave). This time she got up while I was writing out my cheque and started checking her messages without saying a word to me. When I left, she had a her back to me and was on the phone. Anyway, we'll see, these things take time. Keep your fingers crossed for me!