One month down....

Well, our little Benjamuffin is one month old today. We're at my parents' cottage, which is where I went into labour. A couple of days ago I was looking at the full moon and remembering my water breaking and all the excitement that ensued. It seems like it was a year ago. I think that this has been the longest month of my life. I have never known time to move so slow, cried so many tears, had so many doubts, and just generally felt in so much upheaval. But things are definitely getting better and I'm starting to see how, a few months down the line, I might really dig this whole parenthood thing.

Ben is growing like crazy. He is so big now that he's busting out of his 0-3 month sleepers. Nuts! And he's losing that newborn look and is turning into a beautiful beautiful baby. He still eats every three hours - for those of you not up on baby lingo that means from the start of one feeding to the start of the next. Since it takes an hour to feed him, it means only two hours between feedings. I'm trying to resign myself to the fact that this may be his feeding pattern for the next few months but Mark and I are both secretly dreaming of the night he sleeps 6 hours. They say it could happen any time between now and the six month mark. I love a nice vague timeframe.



Ben has unfortunately developed some digestive upset of late - lots of fussing (read: screaming) during the evenings. We've been trying different formulas and so far no real luck. I think it just may be one of those things. But he's a good little baby and so far (knock on wood) isn't screaming during the night so it could be a lot worse.

Ben also brings much humour and joy to our day. He makes the most amazing array of noises - grunts, moans, whimpers, shouts, and odd alien-like sounds - think the movie Gremlins. He's very alert now and likes to stare around with his big eyes. He likes to play with Daddy - tracking objects and reaching for things - but with me he's mostly a lump. But he soothes easier for me. So even though Mark and I have shared the load 50-50 since his birth, Daddy is still the playmate and Mommy the comforter. I'm hoping that will change - I want to play too!

Ben's sweet little head kills me. When he's hungry and you hold him on your shoulder, it bobs all around trying to find something to latch onto. It's just so precious I can't stand it. And he has soft little baby hair that I like to rub my cheek against. He also still curls his legs up fetus style when he sleeps against your body so his little bum just fits right in your hand. I love to hold him like this, sweet little lump. Ben is also so cute in the bath. He loves baths and just floats all boneless is the warm water. Because I'm not used to boys, it makes me laugh to see his wee little boy parts floating in the water - tiny little wiener! He hardly squawks while we wash him though he's not too fond of the part where we take him out. But we dry him off and lie him in the sunshine if there is any and he loves the sun on his skin. We let him get some naked time and get some air on his bum before bundling him back up. It's a lovely experience.



I can't wait until he can smile and interact. Right now it's hard to capture his attention and I'm just itching to play with him for real. We bought a new mobile for him and might try moving him from his bassinet to his crib upon our return to Toronto. Hopefully he's find it engaging enough at first to tolerate the crib. We shall see.

I am also doing much better. I think I have left my postpartum depression behind me and now am just struggling with the regular new parent stuff. Still hard, still want to cry some days, but those feelings of despair and regret are gone and I'm starting to really get attached to my little man. Which is awesome. I look forward to that feeling growing.