Mathemagician!

I have a recurring dream that I am back in high school and cannot remember either my locker location, my locker combination, or sometimes both. In this dream, I am always at first with some people and casually trying to look like I'm not desperately looking around trying to scrounge up some glimpse of a memory that would tell me where my locker is. Eventually they go off and then I slink from locker bank to locker bank trying to find mine. It's often in a sunny corner, though I never had a locker in a sunny corner in actuality. Then I must open my combination lock. Generally I have more luck with this part. I think this is because I'm decent at memorizing number strings. Not in that "you say 15 numbers and I'll say them back perfectly right away" kind of way. More in that I memorize my everyday numbers fairly easily kind of way. I know my credit card number, my bank card number, my old bank card number, my student number for U of T, my student number for York, my social insurance number, my library card number, and a bunch of phone numbers of people I haven't called in years.

Though really, I'm not as good with phone numbers. The other day I totally spaced on my friend's phone number, which she's had for over a year and which I never bothered writing down because I had it memorized. I was reduced to pressing buttons on my touch tone phone trying to produce a familiar sounding tune. I got it eventually. I'm chalking it up to pregnancy brain. I have been waaaaaay more flighty since being pregnant and since I'm not used to it, have not yet devised clever organizational scheme like oh, writing things in my planner and then checking it later.

I have been irritated with pregnancy issues a lot this week. In particular, I am tired of people giving their seats on the subway to women who I believe to be the same or less far along in their pregnancy than me. Being a larger person, I think people are afraid to assume I am pregnant. So little skinny women with their cute but tiny little 4 month bumps get to sit down and I am left standing with my back stabbing with pain, my shoulders aching, and my stomach nauseous as the driver lurches the subway or streetcar along. I often feel like screaming "I'm pregnant too you know. Asshole!" Not to mention the cuteness of maternity wear for skinny women and the floral/animal print nightmare that is maternity wear for plus-size women. I'm really not sure what I'll do when I outgrow my two-sizes-to-big normal clothes and have to really move into maternity clothes.

On the plus side, I feel the baby kicking often these days, which is pretty cool. The first time it happened I was excited. Then later it was kind of creepy - there is a creature not just living inside of me but moving around inside of me. Strange. But now it's pretty comforting. I'll feel him moving around when I'm in a meeting, or watching tv, or going to bed and it makes me feel good to know he's still there and still growing. You go, little baby. You go!