The Rot sets in....

I have wrinkles. There is absolutely no denying it any longer. For a while, I had the kind of wrinkles around my eyes that went away after a good night's sleep and across my forehead that went away once exams were done. And then after a while, they stopped going away. And I told myself "It's just that I haven't been getting enough sleep. I'm so run down and stressed all the time." But you know what? It's not true. No matter how much I sleep or what blissful zen state I enter, I still have wrinkles. And not only can you see them, you can feel them. Right now, I can feel little creases around my eyes.

This, I believe, is all part of a process that I like to call the Rot. Now I know, it's the age of the modern woman, and as a feminist, I'm supposed to embrace aging but whatever. I have an intense fear of aging and of death. On my FOURTEENTH birthday, I was sad to be getting older. And every year since has been the same. And here is what I have learned about the aging process - it's all downhill after 25. Now that is an average. Certain elements you can push up to 30 or so but basically 25 is it. Don't get me wrong. I know that life has many joys in the later years and that people complete staggering feats of intelligence, creativity, and strength after the age of 30. I'm just talking pure physiology and cellular processes. That's what starts to decline after 25. After that skin starts to lose its natural elasticity, fertility declines, your cognitive processes are less efficient, you capacity to absorb new information shifts downward, your flexibility reduces, your muscle mass reduces.

Of course, many of these processes can be slowed, prevented etc. but after 25 you can't just do nothing and keep improving. You have to actively prevent the decaying process. Yes, decaying. What else do you call the slow decline of your body's cells? This, my friends, is the Rot. Rotting on the bone for the rest of our years.

So what to do? I need botox. Seriously. I can't use all those anti-wrinkle creams because my skin still breaks out if I put anything but Noxema on it. So unfair - acne and wrinkles all at the same time! And I don't care what any product claims - I have never found a moisturizer that didn't make me 1) super oily looking or 2) break out. That's it. I mean, not only do I not moisturize but I put super drying creams on my face every night. Honestly, I'm just screwed. It's so sad to get to the stage where you can look back on pictures of yourself when you actually looked younger and better. It's also sad to know that I have now looked as good as I will ever look. So depressing. Stupid Rot. And I do need botox - I am constantly stressed and my forehead is wrinkled a good 65% of the day because of it. Even right now, the computer monitor makes me squint a little. I have to consciously relax my forehead. As soon as I start thinking about something else, it will wrinkle back up again. Ugh.

Ha, my dog is dreaming beside me. His paws are all twitching rapidly and he's kind of snorting - must be barking at squirrels in his dreams. I love my dog.