Racism, thy name is Erin

So in my schooling we have been carefully sensitized to issues of cultural diversity. This means that when I am working with clients of a different ethnic background from mine (you know, generic white girl) then I try not to act like a racist ass. Alas, last week I saw a client, a young black woman, and was trying so hard not to be a racist ass that I ended up being a racist ass. I know, you are shocked, but let me explain myself.

I have found that, counselling here in Toronto, at least 75% of my clients were not actually born in Toronto (I don't know about Toronto, everyone born here seems anxious to get out!). And so I routinely ask where people were born. But I know that people often make the assumption that people of colour are all immigrants so while I was talking to my client, I was reflecting on this and decided not to ask "Where were you born" which might imply that I am assuming that she was born outside of Canada but "Are you from Toronto originally?" which is a bit more neutral because hardly anyone is ever from Toronto but it still leaves room for her to be fully Canadian. Of course, what came out of my mouth was "Are you from Ca... Toronto?" Ugh. And though she didn't flinch, she answered "I was born in [this Canadian city]. My parents were born in [another country]. Gak. Chalk up one more white person assuming she's an immigrant.

Later we were talking about her school and work history. Given things she had told me about herself so far, I assumed that she had gone to university. But at the last second I thought, "Wait, maybe she didn't. I don't want to just assume that she did in case it makes her feel bad." So with this thoughtful caveat in mind, I ever so sensitively fumbled out "So, did you end up going to university?" Which in itself might not have been so bad but on the heels of the "Are you an immigrant" fiasco felt like more racist innuendo. And she replied that yes she did and she studied [an incredibly difficult subject that impresses the hell out me whenever someone is studying it]" To which I responded, "Wow." Seriously. "Wow." Which of course makes it sound like I was 1) surprised that a black woman went to university and 2) surprised that a black woman studied this crazy hard subject. I should add here that I knew from our previous conversation that at some point she had left the crazy hard field and gone into an equally impressive creative field but didn't know if she had done this before or after finishing her degree in the crazy hard subject. So to top off the whole ridiculous mess, I blurted out "So did you end up finishing that degree?" like she was some crazy black cracked out drop out. Grrr.

Anyway, in my many attempts to avoid wording things offensively, I just ended up wording things offensively. She took it all in stride. I can't say that she found everything offensive that I am worrying about but I do know that my friends have told me about the racism they experience all the time in situations just like this. I just so didn't want to be one of those health professionals. Alas. Next time, I'm just going to ask the questions straight because, dude, "Where were you born?" is waaaaaay better than "Were you born in Ca... Toronto?"