Being crazy

So this week, I was riding a mental breakdown. I told my family about this and they asked what happened and I told them that I got overstimulated. At which they pretty much pissed themselves laughing because they were picturing a 5 year old at the fair who's eaten too much cotton candy, been on the tilt-a-whirl a few too many times and is overloading by the games guy pressuring him to throw rings at bottles. But seriously, that's how I felt. I was lying on the couch and I couldn't watch TV or read and when my husband tried to talk to me, I felt like I wanted to throw up just from the effort processing the sound of his voice. It totally sucked.

This is the thing about being crazy. 50% of the time, I feel pretty good, just like everybody else. 45% of the time, I feel like I struggle a little bit because I feel crappy - low mood, IBS, intense fatigue, irritability, panic attacks and all that. And then there's this weird 5% where I feel crazy. Just full on, there's something wrong with my mind, I'm not safe in my own skin, crazy. And dude, that 5% sucks really, really hard. And the worst part is, nothing helps. You just have to kind of ride it out.

Anyway, I am now feeling better, though still a tad shaky. The upside of all of this, however, is that Grocery Gateway is coming with a delivery for me in a few hours. Normally, I don't use GG because they're too expensive but when you're curled up in the fetal position of crazy, you are justified in spend a little extra dough to help you get through it. And man is there something sweet about groceries delivered to your door. Because I personally hate hate hate making two trips with groceries. It's a long, long way from our parking spot to our apartment. And before the car, I had to actually carry groceries home and up and down steps. So there's always a part of me that's calculating as I shop if I can carry everything in one load, part of me that's always looking at the number of heavy items in my cart. But with GG, you just pile it on because somebody else is doing all the lifting. Too sweet. Plus it means that tomorrow Mark and I can do something fun instead of entering the hell on earth that is the grocery store on a Saturday. Which is a good thing because the snow started falling last night which means we have to get some new boots for our dog cause there's no way I'm using the same boots as last year. But as Tales from the Riverbank would say "But that's another story." Go Hammy!