Pregnancy is too complicated

So a couple nights ago I was seized with the overwhelming desire to toss all forms of birth control out the window and get pregnant as soon as possible. Woo hoo! But then I realized (with the help of my husband) that there are many things we must do before getting pregnant. Here are 25 things I MUST do (according to the experts) before I get pregnant:

1) I must go off my anti-depressant medication
2) I must have a physical, likely followed by a round of antibiotics as I always seem to have a mild UTI, which is linked to miscarriage
3) Add more calcium and B-vitamins to my daily prenatal vitamin
4) I must lose 80 pounds
5) I must rid myself of all cosmetic products, shampoos, Saran Wrap and soft plastic items which contain phthalates which cause genital abnormalities in the male fetus
6) I must purge my house of all tuna products and soft cheeses
7) I must (somehow) determine whether my vinyl lunchbag is the kind that contains lead or that doesn't contain lead and if so, find a new one
8) I must train my dog to do a "down-stay" as well as play him a CD of baby crying and screaming sounds for him to get used to
9) I must take out a massive student line of credit to cover unexpected costs
10) I must get a flu shot
11) I must engage in daily relaxation exercises to ensure that my stress levels don't reduce my fertility
12) I must switch to organic everything in order to cleanse myself of pesticides that can harm my baby
13) I must develop methods for relieving headaches that don't involve Advil or Asprin (impossible, as am convinced that Tylenol is a sugar pill)
14) I must engage in a range of squats, pelvic tilts and abdominal and kegel exercises to ensure efficient birthing process
15) I must compile list of midwives as you cannot make an appointment before you are pregnant but by the time you find out you are pregnant (two weeks after conception), their waitlist will be too long to accommodate you
16) I must sit down with my husband for long, protracted discussion of our own childhoods and how our experiences may be influencing our attitudes towards parenthood
17) I must have sex in every place imaginable while I still can
18) I must kick my decades long diet coke habit
19) I must limit my time in front of the computer (ack!) because of the radiation from the screen
20) I must get a dental check up as gum disease is linked to miscarriage
21) I must take a lavish vacation with my husband as a last hurrah before children
22) I must chart my basal body temperature to determine my ovulation cycle
23) I must figure out how to tell "egg-white" cervical mucus from other kinds and when my cervix feels more like my nose or like my lips (I'm serious)
24) I must adjust to lukewarm showers as hot showers can raise the body temperature which can be harmful to the fetus
and last but not least
25) I must determine solar flare activity for the upcoming year as solar flares increase the general level of radiation experienced on the earth, which may harm my fetus

Yeah, guess we won't be chucking the condoms quite yet

One step closer to parenthood

So I was reading Dooce.com the other day and was reading her old back entries on when she was pregnant (since I am obsessed with getting pregnant next year and dooce always tells it like it is, I thought she'd provide a good sense of what pregnancy is like). She had a post about her dog throwing up and how cleaning up his vomit made her feel a little more parental. I had a similar moment yesterday.

As you may know, Buddy is a lousy player. We take him to the park where all the other dogs are running around. We take off his leash with a flourish, crying aloud "Run free, little doggin. Run free!" At which point he either dashes off after a squirrel not to be seen again for an hour (very, very bad) or he finds the nearest piece of garbage at eat it. Dogs will run up to him and he will ignore them. They are practically inhaling his penis they are sniffing so much, and he just acts like no one is there.

Anyway, we got sick of chasing after him when he was squirrel hunting so, for his off-leash time, we've been mostly taking him to a small park across the street where there are few squirrels. So, since there are no squirrels, he's been eating a lot more garbage. And I know what you're thinking - "Why don't you stop him from eating the garbage?" Because he's sly, that's why. He'll pretend like he's just sniffing around for a place to pee and then he'll scoop up some bit of something and turn his head away and act like he's still sniffing around until he's swallowed it. And this happens every three feet or so. It's a constant battle. Lately his favourite garbage has been little circular pieces of cardboard that seem to be shaker tops (why are these in the park every day?) and folded up pieces of cardboard about an inch square (still a mystery what these are). He's been eating these as much as he can for at least a month with no problems. Until last night.

Just before his nighttime pee, Buddy let out a huge burp and then barfed twice on our floor. This was shocking because Buddy has only barfed once in the year and half that we've had him and then he was very sick. Anyway, there were little brown squares in his barf that were either little ribette bones or this cardboard paper. And because I am a doggy parent, I did what any good doggy parent would do - I picked one up out of the puddle of vomit to determine what it was (it was cardboard). Then I wiped off his mouth and cleaned up the vomit puddles and fussed over him when he got back from peeing. And it's true what dooce said - it's not the same as parenthood, but it made me feel a little bit more like a real parent. Plus, dog barf isn't nearly as gross as people barf so it's not so traumatic - a good warm-up exercise for parenthood. :)

I am the queen of organization

So for the last month, this piece of paper has been serving double duty as both my mousepad and my notepad for all of the crazy informaiton I needed to do my comprehensive exam (still no official word) and my scholarship applications. Now that it's all over, I want to throw it out but first I have to transfer all of this info to the relevant files. And for those of you wonder what NKOTBLRICTWGCIWAR stands for it's "NewKids on the Block. Let's rock! It's Christmas time, we're gonna celebrate it with a rhyme." Don't ask.

Social activist in the making

I was home this weekend and unearthed my grade 6 diary. As the entry posted below shows, already my social consciousness was growing, though apparently, the injustices of the world didn't exactly keep me up at night.

September 21, 1987.
Dear Diary,
Guess what? Mr. K changed his mind. We're not doing solutions, we're doing plants. Oh well, it'll be fun at least. You know I've been thinking lately about how lucky I am. I mean, I've got a perfect family. A large allowence, all the food and clothes I could want. What more could I ask for? (a winning lottery ticket!) But such is life it's so incredibly unfair. If you don't have white skin your not as good? Wrong! Well, such are the ways of this wicked world. Gotta go! Bye!
Yours truley,
Erin

I had also begun to delve into deep philosophical questions regarding the very nature of reality (and yes, I did use both the words quote and unquote - unquote notice, not end quote - and actual quotation marks. What can I say? I was thorough).

September 25, 1987.
Dear Diary,
Do you think there are aliens. I do! I mean maybe they live inside the planet not outside like us. What about the universe? Does it end? What comes after? Is the universe just a cloud in the sky. Quote "If every 100 years an eagle brushed the top of a 100 foot mountain with just one feather, when there was no more of the mountain just a second has passed in eternity." unquote.
Yours truly,
Erin

But despite the great leaps I was making in my social and intellectual development, I apparently still had a few problems with keeping perspective (FYI, I always got stinking buttloads of stuff for Christmas, way more than was reasonable. Always).

December 31, 1987.
Dear Diary,
I will fill you in eventually I promise. Today Shannon + I went to the mall and I bought a really cool camera. It $28.75 but it was $13.00 less than before. You won't believe this. Shannon is going to England and than
PARIS!!!!
Some people have all the luck. Then again her mother was killed in a car accident. Well today is the last day of the year. We are going ot a movie tonight. Shannon went home and I'm in my room. Paris! Paris in France! What I wouldn't do to go there. And Shannon is going. I mean shit I havne't even been out of North America. The farthest I've gone is Florida. I cleaned up all my Christmas things. I didn't get a lot this year. I went to get that WOB money and guess what. The post place was closed. My god well see you next year!
Love
Erin

Cute pooch!

Look at this super-cute print I got for $4.50 (with a matte) at my school's poster sale. I love it!

And Jesus blushed and said "I don't know this guy, I swear."

Seriously guys, this one doesn't even need me to say anything. It speaks for itself. I found it at
http://datelinehollywood.com/archives/2005/09/05/robertson-blames-hurricane-on-choice-of-ellen-deneres-to-host-emmys/ Oh, Christians. WWJD? My guess is hide in embarassment.

ROBERTSON BLAMES HURRICANE ON CHOICE OF ELLEN DEGENERES TO HOST EMMYS
Lesbian is New Orleans native
Hollywood – Pat Robertson on Sunday said that Hurricane Katrina was God’s way of expressing its anger at the Academy of Television Arts and Sciences for its selection of Ellen Degeneres to host this year’s Emmy Awards. “By choosing an avowed lesbian for this national event, these Hollywood elites have clearly invited God’s wrath,” Robertson said on “The 700 Club” on Sunday. “Is it any surprise that the Almighty chose to strike at Miss Degeneres’ hometown?”Robertson also noted that the last time Degeneres hosted the Emmys, in 2001, the September 11 terrorism attacks took place shortly before the ceremony.
“This is the second time in a row that God has invoked a disaster shortly before lesbian Ellen Degeneres hosted the Emmy Awards,” Robertson explained to his approximately one million viewers. “America is waiting for her to apologize for the death and destruction that her sexual deviance has brought onto this great nation.”
Robertson added that other tragedies of the past several years can be linked to Degeneres’ growing national prominence. September, 2003, for example, is both the month that her talk show debuted and when insurgents first gained a foothold in Iraq following the successful March invasion. “Now we know why things took a turn for the worse,” he explained.
In order to avoid further tragedy, Robertson called not only for the Television Academy to find a new heterosexual host, but to bar all homosexuals and bisexuals from taking part in the ceremony.
He said employees at the Christian Broadcasting Network had put together a list of 283 nominees, presenters, and invited guests at the Emmys known to be of sexually deviant persuasions.
“God already allows one awards show to promote the homosexual agenda,” Robertson declared. “But clearly He will not tolerate such sinful behavior to spread beyond the Tonys.”

Ummmm... what's your name again?

I know, I know. It's been a very long time since I last blogged. But I have a much good reason. I've been writing my comprehensive exams. This is a week long set of exams that I need to get an A on in order to get my Ph.D. Because apparently getting straight A's and scholarships for the last NINE years isn't enough proof for them that I am smart. Apparently, they need me to sit down and write 5 essays in a week to prove it one... more.... time. Gug. Anyway, that's what I've been doing. I've had four panic attacks, two of which occurred in public. And a had a half a panic attack when I was handing my work in. I started frantically checking my essays to see that I had all the pages, that the pages had staples, that I was wearing underwear, that it was actually Tuesday and not Monday, that dog was still god spelled backwards etc. The elderly woman next to me on the subway was sort of looking so I said "I'm handing in my exam and must check it obsessively." She smiled and said, "yes, I know, I was young once too." I said, "I go crazy checking it over and over." and she said "You're not the only one who does it." I love that lady. She made my chest stop pounding for 4 whole subway stops and made me feel slightly less alone in the mad, crazy universe of the subway panic attack.

Anyway, during the last week, I've spent about 12-14 hours a day writing the essays. Saturday night, day 5 of the exam, I decided that at 8:00 I would stop and not do anymore work for the rest of the night. Mark and I tried to rent a movie but there was nothing good out. And nothing good on tv. So I thought, hey, maybe I'll read a book. And then I threw up a little in my mouth at the thought of stuffing anymore knowledge into my head. So then I thought, I know, crossword puzzle. And I pulled out my word puzzle book (yes, I have a word puzzle book. Several actually. Yes, I'm a geek). I flipped through and was feeling vaguely panicked by the challenging stuff so I decided on a nice simple word search. You know, where you find the words hidden in the random letters. They used to have them in Chickadee magazines when you were five or sometimes you'd get them at the dentist with words like "floss" and "toothbrush" hidden amongst a page of q's and z's. My point is, it's as easy as the word puzzle gets.

Anyway, I lasted TWO WORDS before my brain threatened explosion and I had to stop. It turns out, I had pushed the old computer to the limit and it was heading toward the picket line (Hey, I like to mix my metaphors!). The only thing I could handle was tv. And not even watching a show. Just flipping through the channels. For two hours. Just me and the remote while Mark sought refuge downloading music online. Two hours of flip... flip...flip... Then I was tired and I went to bed.

Anyway, my brain is coming back today. Enough that I realized I wrote in my paper that the case study woman was emotionally liable instead of emotionally labile. I'm just going to have to hope the examiners don't read it too closely. In case I haven't written about this in the past, I should make it clear here, I HATE SCHOOL. GAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!
GAA! GAA! GAA! GAA! And yes, that is the way I'll explain it once I'm Dr. Ross, too.

Dawson's Creek sucks ass

So since writing about Joshua Jackson and Chad M. M., I thought I'd tune in to Dawson's Creek to see when they were going to get to Chad's plotline. Which by the way, is a really bad plot line because it involves Joey singing in a band and seriously, WTF? Katie Holmes a) cannot sing (did they not remember her attempt to croak out "On My Own" in a sing-talk, off-key fiasco during the beauty pageant episode) and b) has none of the charisma of a band member.

Anyway, I digress. The point is I watched 1.5 episodes and it sucked so hard. The first episode involved the gang catering a wedding with Joey's dad as chef. After the dinner was over, all the little Creekers hit the dance floor, in their catering uniforms. Hello??? Waitstaff do not dance at weddings. I have both worked for a catering company at weddings and have been married. First of all, trust me, if you're staff you're still busy after dinner is over. And then you're tired. Plus, you're not a moron so you don't assume the bride and groom would like to party with you, whom they've never met before and even now only know you as the bringer of food and champagne. Second of all, if the staff had decided to join in the dancing at my wedding, I would have been so pissed off. It's a formal affair that costs thousands and thousands of dollars, not a chance for staff to make-out on the dance floor. Seriously, Dawson's kids. Boundaries.

Then I watched the episode where Andie starts to hallucinate that her dead brother is around. While this episode has some very good sensitive Pacey moments (mmmm....), it is the worst written episode ever. First of all, Andie calls her brother Tim, "Brown." To me, this is a "strategic" plot device which allows Andie to talk to her hallucination and Pacey to overhear from another room and not realize she's talking to Tim. But the reason they give is sooooo poorly crafted. Apparently, when Andie was little she couldn't pronounce Timothy so she called him Brown instead because brown is her favourite colour. Um, what? First of all, what little kid finds brown easier to say than Tim? Seriously, the br sound is hard for little mouths. So that's just crap. Secondly, I do not know a 2 year old girl out there whose favourite colour is brown. Purple, red, blue, pink, yellow. These are all colours children love. Brown? Seriously, he had brown eyes and hair, couldn't that have been why? Or how about that he always wore brown because it was his favourite colour? That would make more sense. Especially since we rarely see Andie wear brown, which is unusual since it is her favourite colour and all. So frickin' dumb.

Then to make matters worse, they provide very lame explanations of her mental health disorder and have her taking only moderately appropriate medication. Apparently Andie's problem is much like her mother's - after Tim's death she repressed her grief so much that her subconscious produced a Tim hallucination for her to talk to. Hmmm. Yeah, in my circles we call that a psychoanalytic conjecture, not a diagnosis. The diagnosis would be Major Depression with Psychotic Features. For which apparently, Andie takes an anti-anxiety drug. I guess we're supposed to think that anxiety brings on the hallucinations? Which it does in real life sometimes but it seems like her major problems are going untreated. That's some good psychiatric care she's getting.

Plus, I hate Dawson sooooooooo much. I hate James Vanderbeek and I hate the character of Dawson. That show would be so much better without him. Seriously. Really, they could have kept Michelle Williams and Joshua Jackson and just let everyone else go. That includes you, Katie Holmes, with your crazy couch-jumping boyfriend and your inability to wear a bra that fits properly!

Joshua and Chad part 2

So I was talking to Mark and telling him about my post and how Joshua Jackson has 3 new movies coming out and I daydreamed aloud "Imagine if Lucas and Pacey were in a movie together?" And he said, "What, Queer as Folk?" and I said, "Don't joke. That would be the hottest thing EVAR!" Especially if it was first season QAF when Justin and Brian were first hooking up and Michael was jealous so there was lots of tension. After that, the B& J sex wasn't as hot and Michael got some very ugly boyfriends.

Anyway, the point is, it would be really hot. Til then I'll just have to settle for old reruns of Dawson's Creek when Joey is dating Charlie. Do Pacey and Charlie even really share screen time during those episodes? Maybe he punches him or something. Man, it's going to be a long wait before that happens considering they're just showing the first season on TBS. I swear, these celeb crushes - so hard on a girl!

Joshua and Chad... ahhhhhhhh.

So as some of you may know, I have, on rare occasions, developed mad celebrity crushes. Until now, the only real enduring celebrity crush I have had has been on Joshua Jackson - Pacey from Dawson's Creek. This crush has led me to watch reruns of this show incessantly (so many lost mornings!) as well as continually tuning in to anything where he makes a brief appearance (i.e. Ocean's 11). It has also led me to read too many magazine interviews with him which in turn led me to believe that he was a "good person." Plus, he's Canadian. We got to stick together, after all. Anyway, in the interviews he comes across as intelligent, caring, humourous, sensitive, all that good stuff. And then on the show, you can just tell by the way he interacts with people that he is all of those things too. The way he hugs Joey, with a casual tenderness of someone who doesn't have to make an effort to show affection, oh my! Seriously, I'm not kidding here. In love with Joshua Jackson. Had one too many imaginary "conversations" with that one.

Here and there I discover others who harbour secret love for Josh. The writers of Television Without Pity delighted me with their discussion about the season finale in which "new, responsible" Pacey was super hot! And I recently discovered a girlfriend of mine is also much enamoured of Mr. Jackson. I am not alone in my crush madness! Hurrah!

But alas, recently a new celebrity love has come into my life and threatened me again with madness. However, this one is much more embarrassing. Chad Michael Murray. I just picture me and a thousand 14 year old girls watching the show obsessing about him. There is some justification though. He is undeniably cute. I'm totally hooked on One Tree Hill and desperately waiting for him to hook up with Brooke. It's been infuriating tracking that show over all of its time changes this year. But anyway, I'm in love with Chad M.M. for all the reasons I'm in love with Joshua Jackson. He seems to be sensitive and caring and intelligent. Again, casually tender (bestill my heart!). I was overjoyed to see him on reruns of Gilmore Girls. I even watched the Cinderella movie that has Hillary Duff in it, I'm that far gone.

So today I went on-line to see how old he is and how creepy my crush actually is. Joshua Jackson, after all, is only 2 years my junior. Perfectly respectable. Plus, he's a Gemini like me, which means we would get along famously. Chad M.M., is a less respectable 5 years younger than me (an 80's baby - gack!) but in these days of Ashton and Demi, not totally absurd. He's a Virgo though, we're less of a match that way. But I digress because the real point is that visiting these websites made me love him even more because 1) he was bullied as a young teen to the point where he got his front teeth knocked out. You see he needs protection and emotional healing plus he is better able to understand the emotional suffering of others and 2) when asked what tv character he most related to he said PACEY!! You see? You see???? He really is a perfect target for my celebrity crushes. Oh Pacey and Lucas. Joshua and Chad.

The only downside for Chad M. M. is that his name is Chad. People rag on him for using three names but I would if I were him too. It draws the attention away from Chad when you pair it with Michael. Plus, he has his initials tattooed on his arm. I've never really understood people who tattoo their own names on themselves. But hey, a girl can overlook a few things for the man she loves.

I can feel it coming!

Today was glorious. About 26 degrees, blue sky, cool breeze. I took Buddy for a long walk in the park and actually felt no resentment about it. So wonderful to walk without risking heatstroke. In the shade, with the breeze it was positively cool. And in case that wasn't good enough, one of the maple trees in the park has started to turn and has actually dropped leaves. Fall is just around the corner!! I saw that and my heart gave little leap of delight! I love the fall. Luh-uh-uve the fall. It's my very favourite time of year. This summer has been so stanky and nasty, I can't wait. Woo hoo!

I know this is a lame blog but it's been a long day. Take it or leave it, suckas!

Free adoptions at THS!

Hey all! Well, in my continuing quest to save little doggies from the mean streets and noisy shelters of Toronto I wanted to let you know that the Toronto Humane Society is waiving all adoption fees, I believe until the end of August. And for a change, they have lots of nice dogs, not just pitbulls. They have some labs, golden retrievers, beagles, and little dogs (min pin, maltese). This one here is my favourite. His name is Charlie. He's a two-year-old spaniel retriever mix. He's the winner in my opinion. So hie thee to 11 River Street and adopt a doggie. They're just little creatures who need some love after all.

Ads that piss me off #5: iPod

So I'm sure you've all seen the iPod campaign on tv or in print. Silhouettes of people grooving to their iPod's with the iPod's in white and various bold colours in the background. In general, I have nothing against this campaign and have even enjoyed it. Until now. This is the latest ad on the streetcar platform near my new work. Silhouettes of people with various aspects of their clothing in colour. In blue, I think it was the line of his jacket zipper and his collar, in pink, the straps of her shirt or backpack or something, in green the pockets on his hoodie. In yellow, a giant fucking striped bee-on-acid bikini top. WTF? All of the other panels have subtle and small bits of colour and then WHAM!
BOOBS!
Seriously, what? And I like how they chose the yellow panel - the colour that would contrast most against the black to make the biggest boob impact possible.

I don't have to tell you why this irritates me (not that that will stop me). Blatant use of female as sexual object to sell product. Until they show one with a guy with a day-glo orange crotch, it's just another sexist piece of crap. And even in that case, it would still be lame. It's boring. Do you hear me Apple. BORING!! I am sick of seeing advertisers use cheap and tired sexual titillation because they don't have the creativity or the motivation to come up with something truly original. I dream of the day when clever, appropriate ads that enhance our society and bring a smile to our faces will fill our city's landscape. Alas, it just seems to get further away every day.

I think I need to move to an eco-community. I'm not joking. This urban living is bullshit. Even more in this city where every conceivable surface is fair game for advertising and city council seems to see no problems with that. Gak. Arrrrrgh. Bluuuuuurk. Mfffffkt! I'm losing the capacity for speech I am so annoyed. Anyway, you've heard the rant before, I'll spare you. But seriously, try harder Apple. I'm an iPod owner. Don't make me sorry with your crap ads.

Lounging Buddy

Here is the latest picture of our little fur-baby as he lounges on the couch, post-walk, with mommy. As you can see, he feels no compunction about making himself comfortable. Nor do we seem to impose any limits on his comfort! :)

For those of you who are familiar with our long list of alternative names for our sweet doggie, there are a few more to add to the list:

Buddy Las Vegas (preferably sung to the tune of Viva Las Vegas)
Little Chuffer (because he makes a chuffing sound at us when he's annoyed)
Little boss man (because he thinks he's the boss, but he's not)
Mr. Bossy Pants (see above)
Little pachyderm (for when he hangs his head and lumbers like an elephant)
The great white hunter (the squirrels know why)
Spaz (should be self-explanatory)
Little man

But lest you think that we are the only ones to engage in such silly antics, in the summer issue of City Dog (free at the pet store - I didn't subscribe!!), there is a wonderful story on city dogs vs. country dogs in which the author, Dee Clair, reveals that her chocolate lab's (Newman) formal name is "Whiskeycreek's Whimsical Fellow His Royal Highness Sir Smarty Pants the Honorable Chocolatey Prince of the World and Everything in It." Now that's a name!

Stupid people ruin everything

So as some of you may know, I am a member of a group called Freecycle and also one called Freesharing. In both, you take things you don't want anymore and you pass them on to others for free. I must say, until now I have greatly enjoyed my involvement with this group and am even volunteering to represent them at an environmental fair. They do good work. But yesterday I had a very upsetting Freecycling experience that makes me want to chuck the whole thing.

So in these groups, people often say when they "spot" things on the curbside that look pretty good. In one of the groups, these "spotted" announcements are no longer allowed and the moderator suggested that if you see something good you actually pick it up yourself and then freecycle it. So yesterday I was walking Buddy and I saw a double stroller on the curb. I checked it out, thought it looked in good shape and wheeled it home and posted it. I explained where I found it, what kind of shape it was in, etc. I got several requests for it but I also got a few emails from people who thought I had acted irresponsibly.

One person chastised me for picking up baby-related items, suggesting that there might be a reason it was on the curb and it might be dangerous. Well, duh. Of course there is a risk. I would assume that anyone who wanted it would carefully test it out and check online for recalls and safety standards before using it. I myself just picked up a crib and you can bet your ass I'm going to check it thoroughly before deciding if I want to use it. I had assumed that other people would do the same. You know, take responsibility for themselves. It's the same as buying things at a garage sale, or goodwill. Buyer beware. But this person got me paranoid that this was too much to expect. It makes me sad that something good like Freecycle turns litigious so quickly. It ruins it, makes you fearful to participate, makes others feel like they don't have to make the time and effort to be safe and responsible.

Another person emailed suggesting it was actually illegal to take things from the curbside and that once they had been set out, they belonged to the City of Toronto. That one just made me laugh. First of all, nothing in this city lasts more than a few days on the curb unless it's TRASH. I only picked up the stroller because it was garbage day and I didn't want it to be landfill. So even if it's illegal, it's so frickin common. Secondly, I would almost like the City to bust me. In a city that has to ship its trash to the States and where the cost of city work and maintenance is astronomical, I would like to see them get on my ass for curbside reusing. I'd take that to the media so damn fast. There would be so much backlash against the city. Anyway, that person made me even madder than the first one because seriously, WTF?? Talk about encouraging fear, paranoia, and going against what I understand the Freecycling movement to be about.

Anyway, I was really upset last night and cried for a while. You know when you think you've done something really good and then people tell you it was a mistake and you feel stupid for being excited and proud of yourself? I felt like that. My husband told me that I should leave Freecycle, that it wasn't worth it if it was going to make me feel so bad. But I'm going to stick it out. I still think it's a good movement. But I probably will avoid baby items (which is a shame because people need them desperately) and will be a little less enthusiastic about the process from now on. Stupid people. They ruin everything with their stupidity.

Vive la tour!

So my husband is a huge Tour de France fan and so for the last few summers I have been watching the tour for 2-3 hours a day for THREE WEEKS. One summer he even tried to watch it twice a day (they show it in the morning and then repeat it at night) but I had to put my foot down about that. Anyway, though I am not the hugest cycling fan in the world, the tour is pretty interesting. Three weeks is a bit much for me but I do enjoy it some days. There's lots of little things to know and appreciate about the tour. But the one thing that drives me crazy every day of every race is the stupid frickin' crowds.

I posted a pic that I think is of last year's tour to give you a sense of what the crowds are like in the mountain stages. They quite literally stand so that they fill the whole street and draw back just enough to let the riders through. And once they pass, the crowd flows back in to the whole street. There is usually a little motorbike in front of the riders that serves to partially break the crowd but at the thickest points, fans just flow back in after the motorbike has passed. At other parts where the streets are little more open, fans will jump in front of the riders, wave and scream and then jump back at the last possible second. Others will run beside the riders waving huge flags at them and shouting. It makes me cringe - I'm always just waiting for a breeze to send the flag right into the wheels of the bike. They also pat them on the backs (which is illegal and can actually result in the riding getting a penalty if it looks like the fan pushed them), pour water on them and offer them water bottles. So of the not so nice fans also spit on them (WTF with that????) and call them names.

Anyway, this is a big part of the tour and since it's 200 K long a day, they can't really enforce crowd control. But it drives me nuts. Every single day I'm shouting at the tv "Get out of the way!!" I often resort to profanity. I mean, these cyclists have been riding uphill for 5 hours. Do you really think they want to have to weave among drunken or idiotic fans who can't get off the road fast enough?? And several times over the history of the tour, people haven't gotten out of the way fast enough and have caused riders to crash. Piss off!

Well, today was a treat for people like me. It was the tour's hardest mountain stage and the biggest crowd ever turned out. It was twice as thick as that pictured above - people were literally inches away from the riders on all sides. Anyway, there were a couple riders up in the lead and this guy jumped out to shout at them. I think he was running with them and then fell off the pace and stopped. In the middle of the road. There were more riders coming up shortly behind him led by a motorcycle (they carry guys on cameras who get all the crowd shots). The guy wasn't moving and he was threatening the safety of the cyclists behind and the integrity of the race so the motorcycle ran him over!! In fairness, there was absolutely nowhere for the motorcycle to go - it was surrounded by people on all sides, it couldn't have even swerved. It was awesome! It just hit him straight on. Of course the riders fell of the motorbike and the fan went down. But the cyclists were able to get through. Oh, it was brilliant. You might think I'm heartless but, dude, fans stay on the SIDES OF THE ROAD. If they're going to stand in the middle of the road during the tour, they deserve what they get.

WTF Award - No male birth control pills

So my husband and I are thinking about having a baby in the next year and I am debating when to go off the birth control pill. Now I know they say you only have to be off it for a month but since I have been on the pill since I was 14, I'd like to go off it my 4 or 5 months ahead of time and actually get to see what my body does on its own. Which of course leaves us with the alternative contraception dilemma. It seems easy except that I am allergic to latex. So we've got no pill, no patches, no shots, no condoms (we tried the non-latex ones - let's just say they're not good), no diaphragms, no cervical caps. IUD's are not recommended until after childbirth. So that leaves us with spermicide. We're going to give it a go via the Today's Sponge (he is spongeworthy! lol) but I have a bad feeling about this. Given that I am allergic to soap and moisturizing cream, what are the chances I'm not allergic to Nonoxonyl-9?

Which brings me to my WTF rant. Why have the drug companies not developed a birth control pill for men????? I mean, if you want to be safe, what makes more sense, wearing a bullet proof vest or taking the bullets out of the gun? Apparently they've been working on them for a while and they have none of the cancer or blot clot risks that female pills carry AND the contraceptive effect goes away immedidately upon cessation - NO risk to fertility. And yet, where are they? I read a couple of years ago in a magazine that we could expect them in 5-10 years. 5-10 years???? WTF? I also saw a news story last year about it where they polled men on the street and they all said they wouldn't take it. Stupid machismo. Yes, let your woman take the dangerous drugs instead of you taking the safe ones. It's just like the whole stupid vasectomy issue. Why not let your wife have invasive, non-reversible surgery just so you can keep your "virility." Stupid. It's just all part of a culture where the burden of childbearing (or the prevention thereof) falls entirely on the woman and men can decide whether or not they "feel ready" to take part.

And just in case you're wondering, I've already got my guy talked into the old snip when we're done having kids. I figure I've been on birth control pills for 15 years. And then, after going through painful, disfiguring, never-ending, pregnancy and labour 2 or 3 times, I'm signing out. Dude, after that I'll hold the ice pack on his groin and that's about all! :)

Look at this face!

So this is Chester. Chester is a 2.5 year old Dachshund / Terrier mix who is housebroken, neutered, and has all his shots. He's gentle and sweet and gets along with everyone. I mean look at him. Have you seen a cuter dog? Look at those silly, fluffy ears. Chester is available for adoption right now. He is currently fostered in a really good foster home, Anne and Pete's. You can see him on www.Petfinder.com. While you're there, also check out Willy the springer spaniel and Charlie the Golden Retriever/Cocker Spaniel mix. I'm telling you, if we could have more dogs, we'd be getting Buddy three brothers with this lot.

So if you know anyone who's looking for a dog, check these guys out.

On a related note, after being seduced by the clever marketing campaign, I bought some Iams Savoury Sauce for Buddy. It's a vitamin-filled gravy you add to your dog's food to make it extra, well, savoury. So I was so excited. I poured it on his food this morning, set it down in front of him and waited to see the joy. There was no joy. He started to put his head in the bowl, caught a sniff of the sauce and looked up at me with a hurt, confused look. He then sniffed it again and looked at me again. He then very gingerly started to pick out individual pieces of kibble with the least amount of savoury sauce on them. This is a dog who usually eats anything you'll give him, including paper, oranges, and wax. After watching him pitifully and s-l-o-w-l-y consume five or six pieces of kibble, I gave him a fresh bowl with no savoury sauce. Which he gulped down. So much for savory! Stupid enticing commerical. I'm just glad I didn't by the three-flavour multi-pack!

Get off the frickin' sidewalk!

So, I have two pet peeves related to sidewalk use. Well, I say pet peeves but they're more like massive annoyances that make me want to punch people in the head. Of course, being me who dislikes confrontation, I usually contain myself to the dirty look and the half-turned head as they pass me by (you know that one - Seinfeld demonstrated it beautifully in the movie theatre). Anyway, my grievances are these: 1) people who are over the age of 12 who ride their bikes on the sidewalk and 2) people who use golf umbrellas as personal umbrellas on the sidewalk.

So first the bikes. Okay, I get that Toronto is a scary place to ride a bike. Traffic is crazy, pedestrians appear out of nowhere. But I'm not talking about Yonge Street. I'm talking about High Park where the streets are super wide and there is hardly any traffic. Today I was out walking my dog and some jerk in his thirties is riding up the sidewalk. There is not a single car on the road but instead of going on to the road to let me pass, I had to pull up Buddy tight against me and press against a shrub for him to go by. Ugh. I'm still getting mad thinking about it now. Frickin asshole.

And then, the umbrellas. WTF with business men who just whip their golf umbrella out of their car trunks and proceed to walk down very crowded sidewalks on streets like Bloor or Yonge? They piss me off. They don't look where they're going. They don't raise the umbrella as they pass by so it doesn't bean me in the forehead. They just take up the whole frickin' sidewalk like the frickin' jerks they are. Stupid entitled asses. There's a reason they make golf umbrellas and personal umbrellas. Golf umbrellas are for golf courses. Personal umbrellas are for everywhere else. And I feel I have to say, I have never seen a woman with a golf umbrella on the sidewalk, unless she was with a man. More gendered behaviour, IMO - women don't dare inconvenience others by taking up space where as men just take it all on and don't even think about the fact that they are invading everyone else's space with their ridiculous umbrellas. Now I realize this is a vast generalization and that many men are considerate and understand proper umbrella use. But I'm still waiting to see a woman with a golf umbrella on Bloor Street.

Ugh, people. Use sidewalks with just an ounce of thought! Or one of these days you might find your self at the business end of a withering stare from yours truly. And you do not want that. Trust me. I stare real good.

Stickin' it to the exes

So, here's a guilty secret of mine. I love finding out that my ex-boyfriends' lives suck now. I know it's petty and mean-spirited but it's great. I mean, to hear through the grapevine that they are out of work, living with their parents, repeatedly dumped by girls who treated them badly, dropped out of school, these things warm my heart. Of course, this is true for some boys more than others. Especially the ones who treated me crappy and thought I'd always be there. To them I say ha! I am very happily married to a good-looking, smart, funny, caring man, I'm doing my Ph.D., I have a great apartment, a fabby doggy and we're thinking about babies in the next year or so. My life is so good. And theirs are not. And it makes me happy, happy, happy. In fact, I think I'll do a little happy dance right now (and hope that the karma gods don't read this post!). :)